The familiar sound of Three Customer Services.... guaranteed to make even the nicest, calmest, sanest of us decline into absolute misery, and even the most saintly individual collapse into a rabid fit of four-letter profanities, rather reminiscant of a 1970's Sex Pistols concert. (Man... they were good!)
Buying a new phone is always an awesome experience, especially for those of us just a little too far over on the geeky side of life (GUILTY and well proud!). Nothing beats the excitement of a new Nokia, or even the sheer unmitigated pleasure of the iPhone 3G (excuse me, I feel feint!!).... the sheer ecstasy of opening the box & peering at the new beast for the first time.... Sigh!
However, delight soon turns to unbelieving disappointment when after dialling 333 and encountering Three Customer (Dis)Services for the first time, perhaps to ask the simplest of questions, or just to speak to someone (vaguely) human cuz you're sad & bored, you realise in an instant.... you should have stuck with 0-range, Vodaclone, O-god or Nearly Mobile - or anyone other than Three!
Those famous words... "Velcome to Three, Mr....... How ken I help yeeuw" start off the conversation that soon turns to an abject shambles. "Ken you help me with your pahs vord"... then, soon after... "Vell, I am wery sorry, but that is not the pahs vord I have vritten down for you"...
Things quickly go from bad to worse, and it becomes crystal clear that what ever you want, you ain't going to get it. Whatever you ask. the reply comes straight from a screen prompt - you're actually talking to a robot.... Frustration builds! To save the day, and to help keep you calm, you ask for a supervisor.
"Vill you kindly vait, Mr. **** vile I get the superwiser for you" At last , hopes rise, as you're about to be addressed by a higher life form... then, all of a sudden, and totally out of the blue... MEEP MEEP MEEP!! The call hasdropped... they cut you off....
You queued for 40 minutes to get thru first time... and had to make 1,000 choices to speak to an allegedly-living human... Your heart sinks, your energy drains... and the only thing that can save the day is.... hot chocolate... rieki massage... aromatherapy... and that classic McFly video!
The future's bright!
Have a nice day!
Torchwood, Cardiff!
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