The search for a quiet breakfast!

Isn't life strange? You set out for breakfast on a quiet Saturday morning, and you just want somewhere quiet to relax & engulf approximately 2,000 calories of delicious saturated fats, for a cost of somewhat less than three squid.

There's a choice of options... Morrisons & IKEA being about the best, PitStop Cafe being a clost third. Then there's the caravan club: great breakfast, £3.50: but sour service from a total misery!

The choice is made. It's Morrisons: get in before 10.00, and it'll be quiet. Service will be quick.. and the bacon will be CRISPY!

Then... where to sit?? Avoid the Chav table... bound to be vulgar. Avoid the high chair area - bound to be babies. (though cute - some might scream- and I need peace!).

Hmm... the area near to the newspaper corner looks cool - there's no one there, and who' s likely to want to read the Times?? After sitting down, somewhat satisfied that you actually made it for breakfast.. one quickly becomes aware of a snoring sound from behind.

Then moaning... then the sound of demented words, being spoken, appearently to nobody. Then shouting, and the smell of alocohol. Finally, the sight of that old, grey crumpled suit. CURSES! You've been joined by the village idiot - the token nuisance, found in every breakfast cafe, every day!!!

Blast! I tried so hard to find the right place... but it's all gone wrong! Subtle plan: The Change of Table routine. This is done by pretending you've forgotten something, say milk for the tea. Carefully, grab your breakfast, lift your coat and head stealthily for a distant table, picking up the milk as you go. A table is found... peace & tranquility is restored.

For 30 seconds.

The sight of McKenzie trackpants, a dodgy baseball cap (Nike, of course) and K-Swiss trainers. You've been joined by the CHAV FAMILY FROM HELL (or more probably, Barry).

Fortunately, after taking a fw moments to snigger & the idea of someone wearing Converse & Skinny jeans (hysterical, I know)... The family of Welsh Vicki Pollards move on... to smoke outside the store.

Life is good!
Torchwood CF